


Not Enough

by foxtrot_12



Series: RvB Angst War [1]
Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Canon Compliant, M/M, Pining, RvB Angst War, Tagged it "Major Character Death" even though it's temporary in canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-17
Updated: 2018-03-17
Packaged: 2019-04-01 09:15:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,386
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13995144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/foxtrot_12/pseuds/foxtrot_12
Summary: Doc is sent to Valhalla, and what he finds there isn't what he expected at all. Set at the beginning of season 8.





	Not Enough

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: "Doc's reaction to finding Donut bleeding out after Wash shot him in season 8."
> 
> Thank you for the prompt, [Steph](http://secretlystephaniebrown.tumblr.com/)!
> 
> Sadly, this is unbeta'd, so all of the mistakes are completely my fault. 
> 
> Enjoy!

“Him.”

“Him?” Doc responded, voice wavering slightly. Doc looked over, wary to not look at the dead man’s face. There he was, blood dark and soaking through his undersuit, staining his armour and crusting over sickeningly. What with how much dry blood was already present, there was no doubt in his mind when he spoke the words, “Um, he’s dead.”

Donut was dead.

“Yeah, he is,” Simmons sighed, but Doc barely heard it. The only thing he could pay attention to was the dead soldier- _his dead friend_ -in front of him. “He was shot.”

“Um, Simmons, I know it's been a while since we've seen each other, and I have increased my skill as a medic in that time, but dead is still pretty much outside my jurisdiction,” Doc babbled out. He barely even paid attention to the words as he said them-- his eyes were eternally fixed on Donut’s body (he couldn't bring himself to look at his face).

Donut. Enthusiastic, cheerful Donut. Doc had only spent a handful of time with him before this, and he yearned for more. He yearned for the night they spent together in Blood Gulch, when O’Malley was quiet and he was stuck in Red Base. Donut had approached him, and though he seemed slightly terrified, he warmed up to Doc instantly when he finally met his real personality. They talked until they were tired and stupid; Doc could not remember a time he ever enjoyed a night more. 

That was the night he knew that he was in love with Donut. It wasn’t a surprise, really; Doc always loved fast, but there was something different about how he felt for Donut. He had also fallen hard, something he never experienced with anyone else. Doc spent the rest of the night after Donut had left, unsleeping and giddy, thinking about what it would feel like to be able to hug Donut, or to fall asleep next to him. That night was the first time Doc had seen Donut’s face, and he was pretty sure that not a single breath had filled his lungs for at least ten seconds after he saw it. Donut had to most crystalline blue eyes and his skin looked so soft that Doc was tempted to reach out and touch it. Doc could barely get a full sentence out without stuttering or looking at the floor-- Donut was absolutely breathtaking.

It wasn’t just his stunning looks that melted Doc’s insides-he isn’t _that_ shallow-, it was his voice, and his laugh, and his words. Donut had the softest and most saccharine voice, so much so that Doc caught himself getting lost in his voice, time after time. _I hope he doesn’t think I’m being ignorant,_ Doc remembered thinking offhandedly after he had asked Donut to repeat himself after what had felt like the umpteenth time. He couldn’t help it; Doc could fall asleep to Donut’s voice, it was so soothing. He loved it even more when Donut laughed. It was a loud, breathy laugh, and it gave him goosebumps, it was so pretty. Doc loved Donut’s laugh so much the first time, that he probably sounded like a fool with all of his attempts at trying to crack a joke after that. But most of all, Doc loved Donut’s words. Despite all of his unintentional innuendos, Donut had a lot to say about a lot of things. His feelings, his team, his life before Blood Gulch, Doc loved it all. It said a lot about his personality, and Doc could not get enough of what Donut had to say.

A dark part in Doc’s mind wondered what he sounded like seconds before his death. Did his voice still sound half as sweet as he choked on the blood rising in his throat? Were his eyes still bright and blue or could the life be seen draining from his pupils? Doc shivered-- he felt like he was going to throw up.

Before his thoughts could continue to plague him, Simmons spoke. “Man, I just didn't know they'd send you.”

“Yeah, you said that already,” Doc replied, swallowing harshly after to keep the bile from rising in his throat. Looking back at Donut-still avoiding his face-, he could feel tears pricking at the corners of his eyes. He couldn’t help it-- Doc loved deeply, and Donut was no exception. Ever since he joined the army, Donut was the only one Doc could remember feeling so strongly for. His voice, his laugh, his eyes, his smile. They were the most beautiful things that Doc had ever encountered since he donned his armour, maybe even before that. 

Swallowing again, Doc mustered up the courage to look at Donut’s face. He wanted so badly to tear his gaze away, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t stop himself from staring at Donut’s eyes. Still as alluring as before, but they were unfocused, seemingly trained behind Doc. His mouth hung open, blood staining his once-perfect lips red. His hair remained blonde and fluffy, buoyant as always. If there wasn’t blood dribbling from the corners of his mouth, and the hauntingly shocked expression on his face, he could have looked peaceful. Doc couldn't help thinking that Donut was still breathtaking, even in death, and that made this whole situation infinitely worse.

Doc tore his gaze away, training his eyes on Simmons, who was very much still alive and probably waiting for him to say more. Doc cleared his throat, blinking out the tears that were threatening to fall from his eyes. As thin streams of tears fell from his eyes, Doc was glad that he had a helmet on. As he observed Simmons more, he realized the energy radiating from him wasn’t just sorrow, but distress. Ever the kind person, Doc became concerned for Simmons. “Hey, is everything okay with you?” he decided to ask.

Simmons hesitated before blurting out, “It's not my fault Doc, I-I had to make the call, they made me. They needed someone with medical training.”

This only confused Doc even more. Who else was there? Doc only saw Simmons, another fallen soldier that Doc had labelled as, “Probably Lopez,” and… Donut. 

“What’re you talking about?” Doc asked, feigning a steady voice.

“I didn't mean for you to get involved. I'm sorry, really.”

“Sorry about what?”

Simmons nodded his head in his direction, and it took him a second to realize that he meant to check behind him. Warily, Doc obeyed, nearly gasping as he came face-to-face with two menacing figures.

“Uh oh,” was the only thing Doc could manage to say.

“He’s talking about us,” the grey one piped up, voice dark and void of emotion. A cold stone settled in the base of his stomach and he shivered. He was pointing a gun straight at him, and Doc wondered to himself, _Am I going to die?_ The thought of dying wasn’t met with quite the reaction he was expecting from himself. Instead of panic and calamity, he was met with a strange feeling of acceptance.

All his life, Doc had been a simple man. He enjoyed helping people, so he joined the army as a pacifist after he received his education because he felt that there was no purpose for him in life if it wasn’t for the benefit of other people-- at least, that’s what his parents taught him. Doc never really had a reason to live for himself. As cliche as it sounded, Doc felt all of that changed after his night with Donut. Donut became his reason to live. His reason for breathing, for helping others, for surviving. Doc had to believe Donut was alive while they were apart because if he didn’t, he would feel like O’Malley was back in his head-- like he was going insane.

Donut was the only reason that Doc felt that he needed to live for a long time. Maybe even ever. But now, Donut was dead. Doc saw his dead body and lifeless face with his own two eyes. No seemingly-eternal smile, no shining blue eyes, no colour left in his once-honey skin.

Doc no longer had a reason to live. So maybe it was his time to die, too.

The last thing he saw was a white fist, a burst of pain in his skull, then nothing.

**Author's Note:**

> Wanna scream to me about RvB? Shoot me a message on my tumblr, [agent-freckles](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/agent-freckles)! Thanks for reading!


End file.
